R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
