her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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