I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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