Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize