bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
