Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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