We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
