if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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