His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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