I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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