I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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