Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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