he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
