I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
