I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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