so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize