Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
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