He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize