my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
