She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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