Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize