Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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