my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
