Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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