I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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