If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
