Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
