She announced her abortion via fbk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
