Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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