Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
