This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
