Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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