She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
