you win again, gameday.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
