mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How does one acquire holy water?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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