I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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