Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
