Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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