Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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