Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize