my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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