weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
