I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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