Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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