You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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