Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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