In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize