i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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