As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize