just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
