This is not my ceiling
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
