I am spending my child support on dildos
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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