The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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