and next time when you feel me up, do it right
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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