I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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