oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize