im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize