i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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