His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have already put on my inside pants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
