You're so nebulous sometimes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
