Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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