Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
