I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
