his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
