i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
