Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
