Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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