Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
