You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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