I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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